the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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