he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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