i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
