i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
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Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
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In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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