Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
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