so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
