u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
