U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
