is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
