Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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