PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
