Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
