Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
