I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
