im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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