Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
my poor anus
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
