I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
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You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
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Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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