Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
