I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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