when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
