the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
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Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
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I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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