Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
