So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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