you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
