end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
