My nipple is on Facebook.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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