i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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