I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
