I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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