So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my shit smells like andre
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
