I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
