Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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