I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
