Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
