she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize