my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
