Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
