How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
