But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
