So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
