I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
