youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Drunk is not a location!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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