y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
