I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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