i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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