yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize