Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Oh god it's open bar.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
