I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
