her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
