Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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