she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
