Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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