Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
