Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize