I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize