it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
