I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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