I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
