I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
