So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I can text with my tongue
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
