youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
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Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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