And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
