Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
