Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
