i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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