it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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