you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I didn't notice because vodka
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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