i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
