I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
